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experiences, it will also depend on our own feelings, beliefs, experiences and

the situations we find ourselves in. For better or worse our children are

commonly exposed to death, leaves die with change of seasons, the mother dies
in Bambi and the father dies in The Lion King. Use these less threatening
examples to explain this difficult topic.

Studies show that children go through a series of stages in their understanding
of death. Pre-school children see death as reversible, temporary and
impersonal. The 5 to 9 year age group are beginning to realize that death is
final, and that all things die, but do not see death as personal. Children at this
age have nightmares about dying. From about 9 through adolescence, children
begin to fully comprehend that death is final, that all living things die, and that
they will die someday. Teenagers especially, become intrigued with seeking the
meaning of life. Some react to their fear of death by unnecessary risk-taking.

Realize when speaking about death to your child or to someone within your
child's hearing that many of the comments made to comfort an adult will have
very different meanings to a child. An example of this is: "Only the good die
young". Your child may feel that it is not a very safe idea to be good. Do not
make statements that imply that death is temporary or that the person who has
died is away.

A child often feels guilty and angry when he loses a person who is close to him.
He needs reassurance that he has been and will be cared for if a family member
dies. Whether a child should visit the dying or attend a funeral depends on his
age and ability to understand the situation, his relationship to the person, and
most important, whether he WISHES to attend. A wonderful discussion of this is
included in "A Parent's Guide to Talking About Death" by Earl Grollman.

L. Life Styles
Life styles are best influenced by example, that is by parental modeling of those
behaviors we feel important to instill in our children. If we as adults and as
parents believe it is important for our children to wear seat belts then we need to

wear our seat belts.

If we feel it is important for our children not to lie and to steal we need to not ask
them to say they are younger than they are when they are buying an admission
ticket to the amusement park or movie theater.

If we do not want our children to drink to excess or to drink and drive we need to
do the same.

If we want to have our sons respect women we must respect our wives and
behave toward them accordingly and if we expect our daughters to seek out
partners who respect them we must model this as well.

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